Anger, what a destructive emotion. It is an intense, fast-moving emotion. It has the ability to destroy what was once good. It has the ability to destroy a long-term happy relationships.
Usually, we feel angry if there is a threat or harm to our wellbeing. Which signifies that certain actions need to be taken to stop or prevent what’s happening. It also signifies that some value has been violated.
When you are angry, you are probably making sure you safeguard yourself from further insult. Imagine someone accusing you of what you know nothing about. How happy will you feel?
We have in one time or the other gotten angry at someone or something. Sometimes we yell at each other.
But a mistake some of us make is, we try to suppress their anger. Anger is meant to be put to use. It shouldn’t be buried.
Denying anger doesn’t neutralize it. Little did we know that chronic unresolved anger, whether turned inward or express ineffectively, can lead to high cholesterol levels and self-destructive health habits.
Anger is never a comfortable energy to experience. The key lies in learning how to use potent energy that anger brings to resolve transgressions and prevent them from happening again.
To be effective you need to use your anger in a way that assures you that people know what you expect of them and that they can’t cross the limits you set to protect your wellbeing and values.
Here is how
1. Find effective anger role models. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family where expressing anger was dangerous or where you never saw anyone express anger productively, you need to find some anger role models. Look into the lives of people you admire and see how they express their angers.
2. Direct the energy you are feeling into verifying for yourself that indeed there is harm to your well-being.
If there is no harm done, would you rather be right or get on with your life?
3. Direct that energy towards what you want accomplished. Do you want people to stop doing something? Do want them to rectify something? Just what action do you want them to take?
4. Express your anger in such a way the other party (ies) will understand. Don’t let it get the better part of you.
5. Take a deep breathe and critically analyze your anger before you express it.
As Epictetus put it, “If you do not wish to be prone to anger, don’t feed the habit.”
You may have to make your standards moderate and one your coworkers will be comfortable with. Deal with life the way it is, not the way you wished it would be. Because getting angry because life isn’t going the way you want it to is a real waste of time and energy.